INTRODUCTION AND WELCOME FROM THE EDITOR!
WELCOME TO … THE NEW “TABLOIA WEEKLY MAGAZINE!”
March 23, 2010!
Welcome back, after five long years, to the triumphant return of the official “TABLOIA WEEKLY MAGAZINE,” fans! My name is Rob Oder, and I have been proud Editor-in-Chief to this (mediocre) rag since 1972! After the demise of “Tabloia,” and the five pitiful years since, of Salt Peter Press scraping up any demeaning work they could find… you can imagine my joy!
True Tabloia fans know what’s been happening for the last five Tabloia-deprived years! But here’s a brief recap for everyone besides those four dedicated, kind supportive grown men who still live with their parents!
For decades, “Tabloia Weekly Magazine” was the nation’s pre-eminent weekly non-fiction comic book tabloid periodical, published in our own Crude Bay, Southern California! It began publication in the late 1930’s! Its final issues were “Tabloia #572-576” (dated 2004-2005), featuring the cover story “The Moe Beckett Head Transplant Murders,” also known as “The Lump!” Back-up features included “Dick Hammer: Conservative Republican Private Investigator,” “Dr. DeBunko: Debunker of the Supernatural,” and “Doris Danger Seeks…Where Giant Monsters Creep and Stomp!” (If you hurry, you can still pick up these much-sought-after back-issues on our MERCHANDISE PAGE!) After the book’s sad cancellation, the periodical fell into a state of mediocre Limbo, while the above-mentioned features floated around in their own pathetic, poorly selling books, mini’s, and web comics!
Salt Peter Press’s then-Executive President, Ned Leeks, whom I affectionately call “Asshole with a Stupid-Ass Mustache,” bounced me from one meaningless, despicable project to the next! I edited a dull Crude Bay crime exposee in trade paperback form, a low-quality, redundant, skeptical one-shot biography, four embarassing giant monster-seeking explorations, a mediocre online diary of a struggling comic book hack, and a couple low-brow web comics! I hated myself every minute of my life!
Two years ago, we attempted to relaunch “Tabloia Weekly Magazine” as a web comic (you may find scant traces of it here and there, at web comic sites), but the format just wasn’t conducive to our local hack, Chris Wisnia, and his new schedule as a father! But that time wasn’t spent in vain! For we filled those dark, dank, sweaty, poor-house days with brainstorming, and re-envisioned a future for TABLOIA!
Last month, at a board meeting headed by last month’s President, Arthur Clyde Montell (whom you may have accidentally heard me refer to as “Dickless artless loser” in an unfortunate interview) the powers that be crunched some surprising numbers! It turns out, according to our accountants, we’ve suffered five years of equal or worse losses, not producing a single book, than during the pathetic Tabloia years!
That being the case, Salt Peter Press decided that attempting to resuscitate the dead corpse that is “TABLOIA WEEKLY MAGAZINE” was as good a business decision as shoving hundred dollar bills up our asses and lighting our faces on fire (which is a CONSIDERABLY better business model than our previous ones) … and here we are!
Tune in next week, fans, for a quick mission statement of the brand-new, so-exciting, “TABLOIA WEEKLY MAGAZINE: THE WEB COMIC,” its goals, new format, and upcoming features!
See you then, -Rob Oder, Editor-in-Chief! Proud Publisher of THE NEW “Tabloia Weekly Magazine! www.tabloia.com
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March 23, 2010
After last week’s announcement … It’s official, “TABLOIA WEEKLY MAGAZINE” has made the switch from “defunct, no-longer-published, out-of-print, formerly weekly periodical in unsuccessful and unseen comic-book form” to “exciting new unsuccessful and unseen weekdaily web-blog!” But even though we now boast a “weekdaily” schedule, fans, we hope you don’t expect to see new posts every day of the week! Instead, expect the same quality of timeliness, dedication, artwork, story, and feature articles you’ve come to expect from the old “TABLOIA WEEKLY MAGAZINE!” In other words, sporadic, shoddy, hastily-and-editorially-lacking, thrown-together-without-thought-or-reason when and if we somehow have a spare moment …for your viewing pleasure!
Those of you who aren’t strangers to www.tabloia.com may recall how features such as “Dick Hammer: The Dailies” or “Diary of a Struggling Comics Artist” used to post weekly and “The Spider Twins Companion” used to post THREE DAYS A WEEK! … until about two years ago, when they all never got posted again!
Well those days are gone! … until we fall back into old, bad habits, and stop posting once more… perhaps someday sooner than you may expect!
But until then…
Expect us to post whenever we can! We will be running whatever features we can think of! All your favorites, such as “Fans of Giant Monsters” art galleries by all our favorite artists! “Diary of a Struggling Comics Artist,” the official blog of artistic genius, Chris Wisnia! “Photos” of hack Chris Wisnia with all his BEST FRIENDS in the industry! Comics features, such as “Brush With Anger: Starring Agent Ian Anger!” The now SLG-published “Doris Danger Giant Monster Adventures”! “The Spider Twins Companion” (a thorough encyclopedic compendium of dangerous, thrilling, and sexy masked vigilantes… maybe even an occasional contest!) “Shocking True Stories of the Bible (our most popular VH-1 style documentary of the stories they didn’t teach in Sunday School)! Maybe some new and exciting surprises and treats! As well as classic reruns or maybe even new material of your favorite characters, such as “Dick Hammer: Conservative Republican Private Investigator,” “The Lump,” and “Dr. DeBunko”!
If you’re confused and befuddled by the “newspaper feature” style of jumping from article to article, feel free to simply visit the “CATEGORIES” archives of each story, which you may click on the right!
The sky is the limit! …until we run out of time or interest and stop posting! Enjoy! - Rob!