FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS

What does "Tabloia" mean?

"Tabloia" is a combination of "tabloid" and "paranoia", the key descriptors of media in the modern age. The creators had wanted to combine "tabloid" and "paranoid", but Tabloidanoid Weekly Magazine, at the time of the book's inception in 1953, had already been snatched up by a rival periodical.

What is Tabloia?

Tabloia is a weekly magazine that began publication in the early 1950's, and has continued, with occasional decades-long interruptions, to this day, to be the premier source of information on the strange and supernatural for sophisticated pseudo-intellectuals. Tabloia is also a comic by Chris Wisnia, and the scientific name of the common Uruguayan rutubaga, Tabloia tabloia, known by the indigenous community as the pseg-Xwah and revered for its aphrodisiac and hallucinogenic properties.

When using a toilet seat cover, how do I know if I'm really protected?

Dr. "Cleanie" Santini, Sultan of Sanitation, answers this question in Tabloia #572.

Are robots wearing masks and walking among us, disguised as our fellow man?

Doris Danger has been gathering evidence on this very subject for over fifty years!

Is this comic for real? Is anything in this comic for real/true?

From a philosophical point of view, isn't everything just an illusion? Therefore, do not trust anything you see, hear, think, or read! But, to be specific: Tabloia is a work of fiction, from front to back cover! Every event depicted, and potentially every claim and statement featured anywhere in or on this publication — including but not limited to all stories, anecdotes, titles, statements, incidents, and characters — are entirely fictional, farcical, satirical, and/or artistic in intent, or a respectful homage performed with reverent admiration. Chris Wisnia and the talented masses listed on the contributors pages at this selfsame website are almost all real people. All other names are fictional, except those listed in footnotes with their related works.

What is the filthiest possible thing I can handle?

Check out Tabloia #573 for an expert opinion from Dr. "Cleanie" Santini, Sultan of Sanitation.

Where can I obtain Tabloia?

Through your local comic book store. Or right here, at this very website, if you click on "merchandise" above. Also, bootleg copies have been sited on eBay.

Saltpeter is an ingredient in gunpowder; dynamite contains nitroglycerin. Why does the Salt Peter Press logo feature a stick of dynamite? And why is "Salt Peter" two words?

This question is an excellent example of how someone can think they know something, but really have no idea what they are talking about. Salt Peter Press' name has nothing to do with explosives; rather, it is a reference to the founding editor, Saul Peters, who created Tabloia Weekly Magazine to inform and entertain with sage articles on topics of hygiene and good citizenship. Obviously, this first edition sold fewer than ten copies, and current editor Rob Oder was brought in by shareholders to "blow up" the format of the magazine. Rob turned the focus to the paranormal, and generally brought the level of discourse into the gutter, in accord with the predisposition of the public. During the reorganization, Rob renamed the company "Salt Peter Press", a reference to a nickname of Saul Peters that Saul always hated, as well as an allusion to Saul's rather offensive personal fragrance. But most important, "Salt Peter" is a literary reference and historical allusion to the Guadalamalan Salt Mine Revolts of 1817, led by salt activist Peter Frumpt. Of course, the poor taste in the blatant dynamite reference is obvious. In today's tense political climate, the image is perhaps more powerful and apt than ever! Throughout Salt Peter Press's long and often controversial history, many have claimed that the use of this symbol is the lowest, most degrading and humiliating insult to America in the last thirty-two years (the symbol made its debut in issue #146 of May 1972). Perhaps for that reason alone has our bulging stick of dynamite stood erect and ready to blow on each and every subsequent issue!

How large is a sperm whale's penis?

Larger than yours. Professor Pardi gives a more specific answer in Tabloia #572.

Can I read Tabloia to my children?

"Can you" is really a matter of the quality of the local school system where you grew up; "may you" depends on how much of a sick, perverse freak you are, and the degree to which you intend for your children to become social deviants. Tabloia is intended for immature adults and mature teenagers with base senses of humour who are old enough to appreciate the references and distinguish between reality and fantasy, but not so old to simply dismiss the contents out of hand as worthless trash and turn instead to the Wall Street Journal. Be wary (or titillated) that various issues may potentially contain such diverse topics, imagery, and slang as: The "s" word, the "b" word, and the "hole" word! The words "suck", "cock", "clit", "slut", "whore", "horny", "foreskin", and "prick"! Action and violence! A man scratching his crotch! A dog humping a blanket! Literary and cinematic references! And more!

How large is a sea barnacle's penis?

Professor Pardi answers this common question in Tabloia #573.