August 11, 2008

Fans, complaints continue pouring in! Everyone is bored by the awkward and slow pace of this self-supposed “adventure!” We’re hoping it starts going somewhere just as much as you! And now that the script is complete and in our hands, we can say with authority that maybe, uh, you should take a break for the next…er… roughly two hundred weeks! Because THEN, IT DOES (and boy DOES it) really pick up the awkward and slow pace! We’ll see you all then!

And as for the rest of you… That’s right! You guessed it! It’s time for another installment of the “Thugs, Mugs, and Slugs” Radio Mystery Hour! Errol Ellis has graciously donated some of their most shocking, upsetting episodes from the 1940’s and ‘50’s! Be sure to tune in to the “Thugs, Mugs, and Slugs” Radio Mystery Hour every Friday evening!

Thanks for supporting our sponsor, the “Thugs, Mugs, and Slugs” Radio Mystery Hour! Here’s a classic, memorable episode right now! Followed by this week’s exciting Dick Hammer daily… “Wind the Clock Deadly!”

-Rob, Editor-in-Chief

[Sound of rain on concrete. Footsteps approaching]
[orchestra swells]
[footsteps quicken, then suddenly stop]
[rain beating down]
[chainsaw, screaming, splattering]
[dog barking]

[theme song]

Announcer: Welcome to Errol Ellis’s “Thugs, Mugs, and Slugs” Radio Mystery Hour! Featuring the Dirty, Rotten, No-Good, Back-Stabbing Rats!

[a car speeding along road]
[speeding around turn]
[radio blaring a generic big band “swing” tune]
Gruff voice: I said, would you turn that God damn racket down. I need to think!
[radio continues to blare]
Gruff: This is enough, God damn it. I’m climbing over this God damn seat and --
[car brakes screeching]

Gruff: Oof! God DAMN IT! You fucking asshole! And you, stop smirking at him! Turn the God damn radio off or -

High pitched voice: We already told you it helps him drive better. And it relaxes me. We lost ‘em, didn’t we? So what are you complaining about?

Gruff: I’m complaining that you fuck-wits have signed our death warrants! It’s just a matter of time before Cosper figures out what –

High pitched: Cosper Cosper Cosper!

Gruff: You idiot. DIPSHIT! Cosper’s gonna have your head and mine, thanks to you shit-wits. God damn it. God DAMN it.

[radio continues blaring]

Gruff: You don’t know Cosper. When he does you in, you’ll be pleading for a God damn week before he puts you out of your misery. He’s vengeful! Vindictive! I’m dead, I’m dead…

High pitched: You gotta settle down. What’re you so worked up about? We’ll get out of this okay.

Gruff: I don’t know what’s giving me a bigger headache – this awful din, or your God damn voice!

High pitched: Now that’s getting personal, Nicky!

Gruff: In fact, you know what? Fuck this shit…

High pitched: Nicky, what the fuck…
[gun cocking]

[explosive gunfire, car swerving, second shot, metal-rending crash]
[music blares for a period]
[car door opening]

Gruff: Goddamn music didn’t help him…heh heh… miss that tree, with God damn …ha ha…bullets in their brains…

[music continues to blare]
[clicking of a nob, off and on, off and on. Music continues to blare.]

Gruff: God damn…How in the FUCK does a car crash short a God damn STEREO FROM TURNING THE FUCK OFF!

[music blaring]
[in distance, sirens, growing closer]
Gruff: Oh fuck this shit. I’m fucked anyways.
[gun cocking]
[one gunshot, and a body slumping to the ground]
[music continues to blare, as sirens grow closer]

Announcer: Hope you enjoyed this week’s “Thugs, Mugs, and Slugs” Radio Mystery Hour! Featuring the Dirty, Rotten, No-Good, Back-Stabbing Rats! Join us again next Friday! And now back to Dick Hammer, as we begin chapter five… “The Bride Wore Blood Red!”

August 12, 2008

August 13, 2008

August 18, 2008

August 25, 2008

September 1, 2008

September 2, 2008

September 8, 2008

September 15, 2008

September 18, 2008

September 22, 2008

October 1, 2008

October 6, 2008

October 13, 2008

October 20, 2008

October 27, 2008

November 3, 2008

November 10, 2008

November 18, 2008

If you enjoy DICK HAMMER: THE DAILIES, as much as we do, perhaps you might consider poking around on our fantastic MERCHANDISE PAGE, and supporting the otherwise utterly unthanked and unpaid talent involved in the slavish production of this treasure, solely for your enjoyment!